What Are Limits and Boundaries?

We all have limits and boundaries in our lives. They surround us. Laws and rules, things that we set and those other people set for us. These alter every aspect of our lives and guide us down the paths we choose in our lives. In the BDSM community, setting your limits and boundaries is very important. The relationship you enter into, when you declare yourself submissive to a Dominant partner, is a power exchange that requires trust and honesty, on the part of the Mistress and on your part as the submissive.

You have to look at yourself and know where you want to go.  Or at least where you believe you want to go and where you don’t want to go. Then, you must be very honest with your dominant partner, letting them know just what you are thinking and where you are at, emotionally and sexually. Now, I know that you’re thinking this isn’t possible.  You are either just starting out with them or you are brand new to the scene completely and just don’t know for certain where you are interested in going.  Or exactly what they might have in mind that would excite you. That is completely okay! In BDSM there are different types of limits and boundaries.

Boundaries You Won’t Cross

The first set are called Hard Limits or Defined Boundaries. This is something you should discuss before any type of BDSM play begins. Limits of this sort are ones that you already know you do not want your partner to cross, no matter what. These are like walls. You are safe on the other side. You know, once you have stated these limits, that no matter how close to them your partner seems to be coming, they will NOT cross them. These are boundaries that are non-negotiable. You don’t want to cross them and your partner may have some, as well, that they are not willing to cross. This is the beginning point of the D/s relationship.

Limits You Might Be Willing To Change

Soft limits, or Moveable Boundaries, sound very different.  But they really are not. They aren’t the opposite of hard limits, but instead a slightly less solid line in the sand. These are still limits that you and your partner respect.  However, they are more often ones that you may change, as opposed to Hard Limits that everyone accepts are permanent. For example, if you had never been blindfolded, you may make that a soft limit, something that you might be interested in trying, but simply hadn’t and therefore were uncertain about. This soft limit might change mid-session. If you are feeling especially comfortable, you could always say you were ready for the blindfold, or ball gag, or handcuffs, or whatever it was that you originally were unsure that you would like to try.

Safe and Sane = Sexy

These limits and boundaries are all very important to the BDSM lifestyle. While they can be changed and adapted to fit the relationship’s desires and needs, they do ultimately protect you from being pushed further than you are ready to go, in the heat of the moment. While most D/s relationships are safe and sane, some are not.  This set of limits and boundaries let you know that your wishes will be respected. As a Dominatrix, no submissive, without some boundaries, is safe or sane.  And as a submissive, any Dominant partner, who will not allow you to set your own limits, is not safe or sane. You can find out a lot about a potential partner during these negotiations.

Whether you choose to have many boundaries, or a few, they are your choices. If your limits change, that also is something you decide, not something someone else decides for you. Some submissive partners change their limits frequently.  Others never do. The same with Dominant partners. Regardless of how you decide, or why you choose to make certain limits out-of-bounds, they are your choices.  None of which you need to justify in a healthy D/s relationship. Above all, boundaries are there not to limit your fun, but rather to allow you to have fun without worry!

Need help setting your limits and boundaries? The Domination Experts can talk you through it! Call 800.730.3498